SNOOP BLOGGY BLOG

So somebody out in San Fran thinks he got big enough britches to whup his old man? In an unprovoked act of blog douchery, 1977 mopeds decided to hand over the reigns of it’s typically snore-worthy blog to future New Yorker, current divorcee, Noel, who promptly developed a unique, not at all recognizable style and slanged the mud at your blog’s truly. Since you apparently didn’t learn the lesson of the last guy, I’ll gladly remind you that summers in Brooklyn can get awfully lonely for those who enjoy shitting where they eat. Awfully lonely, indeed. So get back to mopping up the bondage leavins or sniffing Pat’s farts or fetching coffee for Papa or whatever you counter-jockeys usually do while the men fix the bikes. Leave the blog bombs for the big dogs. Biters get bit. Free DMX.

Oh, and we just signed the lease for our new space. Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, Noah. OUT.

Hello abandoned blogeteers! December was a cold, cruel month for the official Orphanage Moped Shop Blog. Why? Because it’s fuckin cold, kids. We’ve been approaching ol’ Jack Frost with enthusiasm, though, so here’s a belated Holiday/New Year update from yours-still-mopedish in Greenpoint:

-Had ourselves a non-secular Holiday party on 12/12 (You missed the 12% discount, didn’t you?) that was quite the yule good time of the winter. Even M23 (rival gang) showed up to wish us a snowy one. Enjoy the festive decor:





-Them things we sell have been flying off the shelves. Tough New Yorkers have been braving the inclement weather to jump on the bandwagon. Atari Warfare Moped from Motion Left and a sleek Black Puch Maxi (that didn’t even make it to the sales floor) now have happy owners. Thanks for paying our rent!
-Someone other than us looks stupid in the press. Finally.
-Taco Bell reopened. We are currently wallowing in Grade D Bean Mix and scalding ourselves with Carmel Apple Empanada viscera. GLEEFULLY.
-The infamous neighborhood Greenpoint Hotel has been sadly de-hoteled. Now it is only a gross tenement building housing sad kid-feelers, no criminally misinformed out-of-town travelers.
-The Cincinnati Bengals won the AFC North and are headed to the playoffs. There shall be no jokes associated with football on this blog, people.
-Our Baton Rougean friend, Winston, came in second in the running for Most Downtrodden Orphan 2009. He’s a one-man bolt stripping army. There exists not a Metrakit he cannot seize. Silver Medal, Winny.
-Al Miller, frequently denimed half-asian from posts of yore, MK2 inside joke arteest, moped rally car target, friend and lover has yet again smashed his blue Puch into an unsuspecting automobile. 1st Place, little Al.
-Tiger Woods.
-Thunderhorse, Chicago captains of video jokery, moved to New York. Come to think of it, I don’t even think those guys even like mopeds anymore. Only coitus. Newsworthy?
-The Fact of the Day thing bombed. We admit our mistakes. Speaking of:
-Check out the soon-to-be-forgotten Orphanage Mopeds ongoing Q&A over at Formspring. Bradley’s doing a good job so far of using Wikipedia to alienate. Expect cryptic musings and NC-17 animated gifs.
-We’re half-heartedly selling stuff on eBay now. Go there, buy online, and complain that we didn’t send you a plastic dinosaur and broken Sheena Easton cassette tape in the box with your parts. Our trust funds have limitations, buyers. Sorry.

That brings us up to now! Only 2 more years until all hell breaks loose, so we’re going hard. Thanks for 2009. See you soon.

Rally party is done and gone. Shit was heavy, heavy. A group got rolled over by mom’s white Lexus, including The Orphanage Moped Shop’s own personal be-jeaned Asian, Alan Wu. Luckily everyone survived with minimal injury. Lesson learned? Bed Stuy, Do or Die. Next time all rally’s will partake in the Hamptons. Sad Face. Otherwise, total blastations.
Like this:

Only with better parenting.